Can You Pull It Off?

About a decade ago a local, word-of-mouth gravel road, bike event debuted as the Woodchipper 100. The

Ryan on the 200 mile route.

original organizers experienced life events which jeopardized the continuation of the event. Thus I became the coordinator. As an advocate of gravel roads, along with the community formed by like minded riders new events emerged. Staying with the "wood" theme, a late spring 200 mile distance was birthed in 2015. The Woodticker 200 had the tagline, "Can you pull it off?"

Numerous aspects of my life fall under the umbrella of that tagline question. In my childhood I would find and eat chocolate chips hidden by my mother. Would she notice some were missing? Consuming alcohol and driving occurred more than once. Could I make it to my destination safely? Classes in college and seminary which were less than stimulating were regularly skipped. Could I pass the course? You get the idea. Parenting, leading co-workers, navigating new perspectives, facing personal challenges, and deciding what the years to come (including retirement) may look like continue to enlarge the tagline, "Can you pull it off?"

At various times, beginning at 5:05am on Saturday, June 5th, twenty-seven participants set out to "pull off" their chosen distances at what is now called: END-TICK (Extreme North Dakota - Terrifically Intense Country Klassic). As an event coordinator for ENDracing, I brought the Woodchipper and Woodticker into the ENDracing stable of events. What follows are a variety of photos from the most recent event, as well as previous renderings.                                                                   

All alone 

Getting ready to ride

   

Sign made by Weisgram Metal Fabricating
West Fargo ND

2017 Edition

  

Finally, the "Can you pull it off?" question continues. At this season of life I am examining my vocation, what commitment and care-giving to my partner may involve due to health conditions, my willingness to be involved in multiple interests, where to live, and how to live. There does not appear to be a finish line. Speed of completion holds little significance. These examinations are initiated at unexpected times and in various settings. A major reason for my enjoyment of gravel road biking is the wide open arena for processing life. What is over that hill? What can I see around the next curve? Should I turn around or go another mile? What is my hurry? 

Not All the Same

It began as a tagline. Now it has become a pervasive question in the journey of life. I invite you to consider, "Can you pull it off?"

The following photos are from an anonymous rider.  I provide them not only for their beauty, but to assist in your consideration of the question posed above.

A New Day!

The beauty of the world!

Open spaces and miles to go.

What is the hurry?

Out of Practice

 

North Fargo Softball Complex

I enjoy every season. This late spring moving into meteorological summer (June 1), I noticed a great deal of activity on fields and courts. Memories of playing softball on the farm and later in a church league brought both a smile and a frown. The smile: multiple generations playing on the large farm lawn enjoying an afternoon together. The frown: catching a wickedly fast throw into 1st base which dislocated my thumb. Who said church league was not intense? I have not thrown a ball nor swung a bat in decades.

Courts in a city park

The game of tennis began during the second year of college in south Texas. The weather allowed for playing every month. There were numerous people ready to play. Courts were available on campus and in near by city parks. I was pleased at my improvement and enjoyment of the game. Great exercise along with hand-eye coordination. Since those youthful days my time on a tennis court has been sporadic. I recently enjoyed time swinging a racket and chasing the yellow ball with my younger daughter during a vacation in Florida.

Pepsi Soccer Complex

Soccer was an adjunct to my participation in track and field. The coach thought the rigors of constant movement in soccer would take one's mind off of running. During the early 1970s, in small town Minnesota, the game of soccer was foreign. Running while moving a ball between players took more coordination than I could ever hope to develop. Besides, I was a shot-put and discus thrower, not a sprinter! 

Sheyenne National Grasslands

Other than the occasional time on a tennis court, I am out of practice. My activity time is still high. I find being outdoors and moving to be both enjoyable and meaningful. Without large number of participants to field a team, as well as the lack of consistency in my daily schedule I have embraced more solitary activities. Biking, hiking, and snowshoeing can be enjoyed solo. I am not opposed to team activities. I have enjoyed more freedom to be in motion when I am by myself and on my own time frame.

One thing I have never been good at nor have I practiced very often is the simple action of saying, "no." There is a connection in my mind between being available and being acceptable to others. Over decades of pastoral ministry the needs of family and self have been set aside due to not practicing, "no." As much as this has been on my mind, as much as I tell myself to practice in order to grow internally stronger, I am very hesitant to practice. It is not that my body will hurt, but the more powerful and controlling self-image will be bruised and battered. Recently I opted to help another pastor by covering two afternoon worship services in a skilled care facility. The services are not difficult. I receive compensation for leading the services. The residents and staff appreciate my presence.  However, those benefits no longer cover the cost to my being. 

Could it be that I realize my time is limited? Could it be that I finally acknowledge my acceptability is more an internal issue than an external one? Is it the acceptance that I am replaceable? There are many other people who can and will take over when I gain the strength to say, "no." The harsh truth is not only am I out of practice, but the concept is still foreign to my being. I recognize my rudimentary understanding and appreciation for that two letter word. At times I marvel at those who use it well. Other times I become angry because I believe when others say, "no" the responsibility upon myself becomes greater. This is a misguided perception that only I can solve. 

It is time to practice! I look forward to the healthy benefits it will provide!

Time Perspectives

Zion National Park

In not much more than 50 hours I lead worship, cleaned a few miles of road ditch, hiked in two areas near Las Vegas, and began another hike in southwestern Utah. From the dancing, kodachromatic fountains at the Bellagio and turbulence along the Vegas Strip to being awakened by a rooster crow, bright sunlight filtering through the trailer's curtains, and the serenity of outdoor morning coffee in northwestern Arizona, I am grateful for the variety of settings in which I live life. Being fortunate is not an appropriate expression. Being privileged is a major factor in the equation. The opportunity to spend time with friends and  especially immediate family is something greater than I ever envisioned and beyond the capacity of words. 

Climbing with a view

Even in a desert region ample diversity is found. The bright magenta of beavertail cacti blossoms boldly stand out among the browns, tans, and light greens. Ascending from the canyon bottom spruce roots cling onto cliff sides; chipmunks scurry along the ground and ascend crevices like skilled climbers; while gusts of winds allow both for evaporation and a need to grab one's cap. Along with the diversity of nature are the diversity of people. Bright eyed young adults in jeans and flip flops anxiously begin their hike. Senior senior citizens with clicking trekking poles and a constant cadence ascend and descend like it is second nature. Other fit people use the trails for their running adventures. One couple, ascending from an overnight or two

Grand Canyon

in the bottom of the Grand Canyon appeared oblivious to others, looking as if they were on a death march. Their minds, their eyes, their spirits did not realize the top was eleven switchbacks away. For them it may have seemed like a hundred.

Valley of Fire State Park

The Grand Canyon, while massive and awe inspiring, also seemed distant and a bit irrelevant. The spectrum of color was narrow. Distinguishing distances and depth of filed proved difficult because of the absence of color differentiation.  Along a portion of the paved Rim Trail, rocks were displayed with estimated time of formation. This increased my perception difficulties significantly. Even as a college history major, I have difficulty comprehending 1,000 million years ago. The current reality, book-ended by a couple of hundred years is understandable in a time perspective. However, to speak of millions of years past has no relevance in my mind. 

Northern Arizona Trailer

The wanderlust of exploration has been a part of my being. The ability to see, ask questions, and broaden perspectives from interacting with others is vital to my well being. I live in the present, influenced by the past, and moving into the future.  What is vital is experiencing the current setting and pondering the possibilities. I am grateful beyond words for these opportunities, especially with significant family members. 

If You Do What You Love -- Part 2

Life is a journey

I regularly listen to a podcast called, Make Me Smart. It uses the tagline, "None of us is as smart as all of us." When I asked in the previous post for insight and wisdom regarding retirement I heard from many. The lived experiences and understandings covered the spectrum. Here are some of those:

Retirement is fluid; changing from day to day. You have freedom to go in many directions, offering support to those who are younger. "Come play with me Grandma." makes retirement perfect.

I have 2 siblings in retirement. One retired at 62 and does  what she pleases. She walks, reads, and spends time with grandchildren, as well as a lot of time on Facebook and Netflix. The other will never stop working. She does not need money. She is compelled to contribute to society as long as she is able. I will (when that time comes) choose my own work and projects. I want to truly b personal interests, professional interests, and self-care. I hope retirement is a time to really find greater peace and balance in a more fulfilling way!

Trails are diverse

I remember someone older giving me advice on retirement. She said, "You will know when it is time to quit." As time went on, I pondered if I should retire at 64, 65, 66??? The time came when I realized it was physically difficult for me to be an effective teacher; I desired more time with family; I had enough money and insurance to live. I knew it was time.

My mom is still working at 66. Definitely for money and not for fun. Her husband retired a few years ago. He plays golf in the summer and watches golf in the winter. None of us understand that level of retirement. On the other side: he worked and then retired to care full-time for his wife. Since her death he keeps busy with hobbies, mainly fixing anything with an engine. He has rekindled friendships and joins his buddies at the local bar to shoot pool. His wife would never have been cool with this activity.

When I left the tech college I told my boss, "If you get any little odds and ends that might fit my qualifications, I might be interested." I am busier than ever with training sessions to teach this year. I enjoy the work and the people. I have choices. The extra money helps my wife and I travel. My take on retirement, "Continue doing what you like, but limit it to a fun amount. Take time to explore new ideas and interesting places."

It is the beginning of the third quarter of the championship game for the Virginia High School playoffs. In the movie, Remember the Titans (2000), Coach Boone tells the players, "This is our time! The second half is our time!" From my interpretation of the various perspectives received, I believe that retirement is: "our time!" I liken it to being a teenager. Everything is up for grabs. Nothing is off limits. Perspectives are as wide as the electromagnetic spectrum. There are intense swings in moods and movements. Mistakes are made. Yet if nothing is created, no joy is generated. If an established formula is followed there is no motivation for experimentation. What is the worse thing that can happen?

Time for a new trail.

Hopefully by the age one enters retirement, resiliency has become a part of life. Unexpected events, medical issues , transitions in living settings and location may come by choice or be chosen for us. Skills and attitudes nurtured for decades can now be used in innovative and nontraditional ways. It is time to once again explore and leave the beaten path.

I have come to internalize the perspective of "embracing what is." Most events are outside of my control. I can choose how to respond or not respond to events. Marcus Aurelius says, "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength." "Hang on to your youthful enthusiasms, you'll be able to use them better when you're older." says Seneca. Again Seneca says, "True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient."

So what is retirement? I asked this in the previous post. My answer: It is whatever I want it to be each day. Each day is a piece of the canvas of life on which I can paint. There are no patterns or lines to follow. No "paint by number." It is a patchwork in progress. I am going to fully embrace the limitless possibilities and be content!

Going whatever direction I choose.

 

If You Do What You Love

My paternal grandparents were not a significant part of my childhood. Grandmother (Margaret) died when I was very young. What I remember of Grandfather Bauer was his residing in a Boarding House. In its day it was a type of combined assisted living and "old folks home."

Maternal Grandparents

My maternal grandparents lived much longer. They each died when I was in my early twenties. I remember many visits, holidays, and conversations with them. However, I do not remember either of them working outside of their home for income. Yet, they bought basic items they needed to carry on daily life.

Retirement, "the act of leaving one's job, career, or occupation permanently, usually   because of age," was not modeled by my grandparents. I was not ignorant of the   concept. I remember hearing the expression, "I cannot wait until I reach retirement."   Yet growing up with my father's occupation being farming, there was no set timeline to   mark the end of his labors. Even into his seventies, he continued to work at a variety of income producing jobs. He eventually sold the farm and went to work in an assembly plant. He also bagged groceries and stocked shelves. My mother was heavily involved in church volunteering after she ended her career as a Registered Nurse. In his mid-nineties, my father continues to reside in his own home. He is fairly mobile, independent, has hobbies, keeps up on current affairs, and provides for his dietary needs. He does not earn income, but appears financially stable. My parents provided some modeling, but they were not the traditional "now I am retired" people.

Dad with dark glasses
3 Generations at his home

So, I have limited familial role models of retirement. I have seen aging along with a variety of activities. I have yet to find a common theme or path other than simply the passing of time. I am officially too old for AARP to send invitations to their group. I am still young enough to receive calls regarding extended warranties for my vehicle. Overall this concept of retirement is more illusive than ever.

The popular quote, "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life," resonates on many levels of my life. An aspect of pastoral care which I cherish is flexibility. From walking dikes and tossing sandbags, to driving harvesting equipment, to hiking experiences with youth in the Rocky Mountains, and being a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician my career has been diverse and fulfilling. There are facets of the vocation which cause chafing. As another pastor said, "I like being a pastor if it wasn't for the people." Overall the people are honest, caring, and supportive. Even the bad times are nothing in comparison to the college job of using hot asphalt to seal flat roofs!

Sunset - Is that retirement?

 So, what is retirement? Is it getting a monthly check from the Social   Security Administration? Is it receiving healthcare from the Federal   Government? Is it a season in the continuum of life? For some the word   "freedom" is used. Other people say, "The Golden Years are not very   golden!" I ponder how to describe this segment of my life. I catch myself   not wanting to say, "I am retired," or "I am semi-retired." Some of it   expresses a denial of aging. A more powerful aspect comes in not having a   vision of what it entails. I do not remember a time when I have been this   uncertain about the expectations of life. I am still earning an income. I work   part-time and have a few side hustles. I continue to enjoy each day looking   forward to what I will experience. 

Maybe retirement is not pretty?

I invite comments, perspectives, and sharing about any aspect of retirement. It is through the collective sharing where insight is gained. Is there an ultimate definition and structure to retirement? Please, share your thoughts, observations, and wisdom. You can do so on the comment section of the page.

Fulfillment Center

New Amazon "Fulfillment Center"
North of Fargo, ND

 The March 31st, broadcast of Fresh Air featured an interview with a journalist and author, Alec MacGillis. His recent book is titled, "Fulfillment: Winning and Losing in One-Click America." In listening I learned that Amazon has "Fulfillment Centers," not distribution centers or warehouses. What is in a name? A great deal, I believe.

Ever Given in Suez Canal
(Suez Canal Authority)

It was only days ago that a large container ship, the Ever Given, was dislodged from blocking the entire Suez Canal. The vessel is about 400 metres in length. Fully loaded it carries approximately 20,000 shipping containers. These are the same colorful containers that are seen on freight trains, pulled behind semi-tractors on Interstate Highways, and stacked at seaports. 

The Ever Given is only one of hundreds of container ships carrying items from one continent to another. The lines of semi-tractors at ports, as well as moving along highways seem endless.  Where are all of these products headed? You guessed it, "Fulfillment Centers." We want what we want when we want it! The supply chain better not break. I will not tolerate another toilet paper shortage. One click and two day delivery is a way of life. One click and I am fulfilled, Or am I? If I am fulfilled, why do I constantly click for more of the products flowing across the ocean?

Fulfillment according to Dictionary.com is, "the state or quality of completion or realization." Completion? When do we sense our lives are complete? If Amazon had its best year in 2020, we are all clicking more than once to achieve fulfillment. More distribution centers are being built (the one pictured above has 1.3 million square feet), storage units are highly profitable as we need to warehouse stuff that is meant to satisfy us, and we panic when supply chains are weakened or cracked.  

It is the weekend when the majority of those following Christian traditions mark the death and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth. In other words, it is Easter weekend. Yup, the time of ham dinners, egg hunts, online or in-person worship, and decorative baskets. It is a "holy time" when we again fill our lives, our stomachs, and our hours with stuff.  Jesus did say, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10.10  ESV). So, fulfillment must be achievable. What will it take to make that a reality?

It is revealing to me that New Testament resurrection accounts have no description of fullness. Those coming to the tomb are filled with disappointment, fear, and grief. What they experience is emptiness. The tomb is empty. Jesus even left the death shroud inside the tomb. Life cannot be realized in that which is full, whether it be a tomb, a container ship, a fulfillment center, or a storage unit. That manner of fullness leads to dissatisfaction, disappointment, anxiety, and death. Life is experienced by being empty. It is found in being liberated from all of the expectations, the desires, and the stuff. It is in rolling back the stone that ensnares and entombs us where we find the freedom to live. 

Fulfillment is not boxed in by walls nor carried in containers. Fulfillment is freedom to experience, explore, and live each day unencumbered!

Pushing Into A New Arena

                                                                                                                                                                  

From birth through my 18th birthday, I lived on a farm in southeastern Minnesota. I found the season uniquely fascinating. Spring included increased activity. Preparing the planting equipment, purchasing and hauling seed, and the miracle of green shoots pushing out of the dark soil provided work and wonderment. We also had a large garden.

My task was to pull weeds away from the vegetables plants. Sometimes it was very easy. Other times it was frustratingly difficult. I could not differentiate between the producing plant and the pesky weed. As much as I marveled at the growth of spring, my ability to find satisfaction in raising or tending to plants never materialized.  

Over the last decade I have grown in my appreciation of flowering plants. No, I do not raise them. I have no skill in that area! Instead, I look for them and many times am surprised by their poking through rocky areas, brightening the prairie in soft hues, or enjoying a walk through a botanical garden. The array of colors brightens my mood. I ponder the strength and determination of that seed, that shoot, to push its way into a new arena and majestically blossom.  I also contemplate the adaptations that seed made in order to flourish in its setting. 

Saturday, March 20th, I will again direct an ultra distance foot event in the Sheyenne National Grasslands near McLeod, ND. The event is called END-SURE. Participants traverse either 100k or 50k of the North Country Trail. This has been extremely difficult, as of late. COVID-19 cancelled last year's event. In 2018 + 2019, the snow was deep, wet, and abundant. Those events were referred to as "slop fests" which caused rerouting, cold, soggy , and dedicated runners. This year is totally different. The snow has melted, the North Country Trail is clearly visible, and people are willing to participate amid pandemic precautions and adaptations. The weather factor of note is 20-30mph winds. This will tax the 100k participants as they have half of their distance in open, wind swept prairie.  

The determination of participants to physically struggle, push themselves forward, navigate the emotional roller coaster, and eventually reach their goal is reminiscent of the shoot pushing through the fertile, cold, and hard soil to display itself. The display on the surface may not initially appear beautiful. Yet, there is an inner awesomeness that radiates from deep inside. The struggle to achieve, the struggle to express mental and physical endurance, emanates from each person. It is my pleasure to observe that human beauty in this ritual of spring. 

Every season of life is an opportunity to explore the magnificence of creation, both in people and in nature!