Sunday, July 14, 2024

Limiting the Limitless

Seen on the prairie
Laying on the hard packed snowdrift staring into the sky, I was mesmerized by the infinite dots of light. My preteen mind made the connection to the Sunday School God who created the heavens and the earth. I still marvel at the intricacies of texture and color in flora and fauna. Crouching, gently pushing aside grass, leaves, and other detritus another lively ecosystem is revealed. This one is equally as complex as the one in which I exist. A Creator of all this splendor, in my current concept of God cannot be limited. In so many ways, all of these interdependent systems are beyond my comprehension, but not beyond my appreciation.

Standing tall in the midst of other signage was the billboard proclaiming God's magnificent design. When it comes to the supposed pinnacle of creation, being limited to an either or seems to be illogical. Amidst the immeasurable creativity and limitless possibilities, God finally grew weary and 

settled upon two choices. If humanity is created in the likeness of the Creator, shouldn't we be satisfied with the simplicity of the binary? What?My preteen mind goes back to the kitchen cupboard gazing at the cereal  options: corn flakes or crispy rice. Neither of these options assume space in my current cabinet. If it wasn't for granola, some of which is mixed with fruits, seeds, and nuts; infused with added proteins, possibly being organic or gluten free, the product named cereal wouldn't be in my home. While binary exists, are we willing to be so limited? Marketing departments would be nonexistent if we were so simply satisfied. If choices and variety are vital, who are we to boldly post that God is limited?

Colors, contours, and creation
A quote attributed to Susan B. Anthony, an American social reformer and human rights activist, "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." During the past decade I have seen a revival within the religious community of stances which are claimed to be approved by God. These interpretations are not limited to liberal or conservative groups. I sense that instead of marveling at the grand diversity in which we live, while attempting to incorporate our thoughts into the understanding of life, we have to attach God's authority to it. If God's approval is placed on our perspectives, our perspectives have to be correct. Right? The longer I remain in pastoral ministry the less directive I become in suggesting my interpretation of Sacred Stories is beneficial for others. I may be developing the aches of aging, but my willingness to appreciate life is becoming more flexible. 

Another quote which I appreciate is from the late professional boxer and activist, Muhammad Ali, "A person who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of life."

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Discovery Is More Than Digging

Trail in Scotland
The bouncing balls in my head were extremely active during a recent walk. Thoughts were converging, colliding, and exiting. One that rattled around longer and never found an escape route involved a book entitled, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life. The author, James Hollis, explores ways to grow in order to fully become ourselves when the traditionally sanctioned ways aren't providing satisfaction. With enough effort and searching meaning will be found.

Returning from the walk, I logged onto the catalog for the Fargo (North Dakota) Public Library. Placing the keyword "finding" into the search function, I was immediately shown that there were in excess of 28,000 results. It appears that a lot of searching is taking place. Finding Nemo is an adventurous tale, yet I believe most people are searching for something that isn't easily found. Even though locating misplaced vehicle fobs and cell phones may be frustrating, the search usually concludes positively. As we search for the intangibles: love, beauty, meaning, serenity, etc. we believe these slippery concepts have a specific location. If we could only be directed in the general area our lives would be so much better! As well, once found we could cling onto them forever. The search would be over.

My experience, as I have spent decades attempting to find those elusive, internal qualities has brought me both frustration and acceptance. The gradual revelation, often fueled by my need for success along with a perception of superiority has left scars on my skin and on my spirit. As often as I use Alexa, the smart 

Roman Ruins

speaker was not forthcoming with advice. In the progression of life, interacting in a listening posture with others and with nature brought the endless digging to FIND something to an end. In the efforts to find, I missed all that had beauty, meaning, and surprise in the everyday. Now instead of finding, I observe; instead of answers, I question; instead of stagnation, I proceed. All things have purpose, vitality, and beauty. Constriction imprisons meaning. Cultural buttresses depreciate beauty. In the frantic effort to find there is great loss.

As my life continues my need to categorize has diminished. The concepts of light and darkness, good and evil, positive and negative are no longer held in opposition. Realizing that binary (having two absolute parts) produces humanly framed differences and divisions which too often are destructive, I see more of daily life as fluid. There is discovery in darkness. Actually, there is another world that exists in the darkness. Yet we shy away from it. Brutal, stormy weather provides an avenue for adaptation and insight. Events which bring us to our knees give our vision a new perspective. Striving to find that which is controlled, serene, and sterile can provide a rejuvenating respite, but pursuing it as a Utopian goal is vanity. 

Enjoy each day! Expand vision and perspective! Cherish the moment and the movement! There is no reason to exhaustively attempt to find that which is already present.


Saturday, March 30, 2024



Less than six months ago voices were chiming in to promote a proper respect for the late December Holiday.The familiar, "Jesus is the Reason for the Season." and "Keep Christ in Christmas." became the seasonal mantra. As it is the weekend when Christianity (at least a segment of it) recognize Jesus' exit from a tomb, either I am not listening or there are no chants to properly respect this pivotal Holy Day of the Christian faith. Jesus is still the reason for this season, I believe. Maybe, "Keep East in Easter." isn't as catchy?

Personally, my faith life isn't dependent upon certain days, religious dictates disguised as mantras, or any other trappings. I enjoy celebrations. Any reason to join with others around food and conversation is good enough for me. I also find amusement in our capitalistic, consumer driven culture when it comes to these identified sacred days. Observing the array of products adorning the front shelves of stores is entertaining.

Here is a photo dump of some of my favorite items related to or promoted as Easter appropriate.

Even being chocolate, it seems strange to nibble on something either seen as an instrument of death or jewelry worn on a lanyard.

Speaking of chocolate, those eyes staring at me with such precision is rather creepy. What part of a chocolate rabbit do you eat first?

Could Snap, Crackle, and Pop represent the Holy Trinity?

Far from being a religious purest, I marvel at how we meld, explain, and justify so much stuff to have particular meaning. Obviously the Candy Cane has religious significance.  Here is a short YouTube video so we can indulge guilt free into jelly beans.  

So with this spin-off on the never stale Peeps, do you bite off the Sour Patch Kids head first (similar to the chocolate rabbit)? Or maybe just consume the whole thing at one time? Rather strange for a holiday which symbolizes life that we eat kids.

The list could go on, but you get the point. No matter how you choose to spend this weekend or mark Easter Day, do so in the joy of relationships and the support of community. Life is to be lived with gusto embracing respect, grace, and integrity.

I leave you with one final picture and the question, "What Would Jesus Eat?"  

Thank you for reading!

Sunday, March 24, 2024

What's the Problem?

I am not asking a snarky question in response to a perceived glare from another person. It's not that I'm above doing so. I've reacted that way too many times. Instead the question is posed as a general observation of our culture. Whether it be personal, societal, economic, or work related we live in a quagmire of problems. We focus on problems, real or imagined. We believe these problems demand our immediate attention. We believe we are solution oriented. The label "Problem Solver" is something to be tattooed where everyone can see it. If it weren't for problems to solve, what would keep us busy? 

The problem is the need to be perceived as busy. As I not only look at life currently, but as I recall the past decades have significant problems been solved? Yes, certain real problems have been eradicated. Advancements have been made in agriculture, medicine, and technology. Yet food deserts, news deserts, and geographic deserts are expanding. Problems are outpacing answers. If more problems can be solved sooner by fewer people we will catch up, correct?  This chasing doesn't seem to convince people in the United States that problems are being solved. If so, wouldn't individuals feel more secure and exhibit more happiness? Is contentment increasing? A recent survey measuring happiness between age groups and countries indicates that the United States has dropped overall. Our lives are busier. There are certainly multiple problems to solve. Yet this appears not to add to our satisfaction in life. The viewing of screens, video conferences, and endless email threads create busyness, but lack solutions. 

I have intentionally decided to get off the "busyness train." My desire is to explore, as well as contemplate the world in which I live. Instead of attempting to solve perceived problems, I will investigate and embrace them. In developing relationships with reality and making meaningful connections, not simply scrolling and searching online, I believe satisfaction increases. The internal need to appear productive still exists. It has been fed and exercised for years. However, I am challenging that aspect of my life. I cannot solve major problems by increasing my pace. In reality, I cannot solve major problems. Major problems are addressed 

King's Cross Station in London
through collaboration of people who have had time to think and explore multiple dimensions. Part of staying off the busyness train is meeting with others in a relaxed, unencumbered setting. The buzzing phones, the twisting of wrists (not to see the time), and the need to leave in order to get to the next meeting will not be in that environment. Retirement doesn't equate to retreating and decomposing. I see retirement as a time to get reacquainted with a part of myself which was left on the platform when I boarded the busy train years ago. I am content to let that train leave the station without me!

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Windshields and Rear Windows

Rear facing 3rd seat
Many road miles were viewed as they passed into the distance. This awkward and sometimes nauseating view was experienced from the rear facing seat of a 1960 Ford Fairlane station wagon. As a child it was a treat to get away from the adults in the front seat and my brothers in the second seat. It was also a respite from my dad's choice of AM radio stations. There was one speaker on the top middle of the dashboard. The sound did not travel to the third seat. Watching the world move away from me held some intrigue, but overall it was disorienting. It was the price I paid for space to myself.

Over the years vehicles have changed, but it remains that the windshield is larger than the rear window glass. I rarely look out of the rear window other than with the rear view mirror. In so doing my vision of what is behind me gets very limited. On my latest vehicle, the backup camera gives a wider perspective, but what is behind me still has a limited context. Along with a narrow perspective the rear window often gets obscured by various forms of dirt and grime. Instead of a clear view, what is past gets filtered with an impaired perspective.

As a college history major, I have an interest in the past. The interest lies not in data and dates, but in the 

Wiper cleans some dirt
human actions and responses. The adage of "history repeats itself" has little correlation to specific events. Its connection is deeply rooted in human behavior. The social and psychological influences of individuals and groups remain constant over eons even as technology changes the environment. The need for security as fear is promoted has always narrowed and clouded human action. Seeing through the murkiness of social agitation in order to navigate a forward direction has to be an intentional endeavor. If not, our actions and attitudes turn to the past. We begin to believe that safety and security is found in what is behind us. Just like being settled in the rear facing seat, there is some temporary relief in solitude. Yet overall, we become increasingly nauseated, willing to seek answers from the self-serving and unexamined promises of others. 

As I continue my journey in life, my steps have slowed. I experienced more aches and pains which never fully subside. I trip over slight imperfections as my feet don't rise and flex as they once did. Each step is more plodding and less nimble. There are options and purveyors of promises to make my life better. All I have to do is take a back seat.  However, I choose to sit in the front seat with a vast panorama ahead of me. Even as the siren song of the "Oldies" engulfs me from the surround sound speakers, wooing me into nostalgia, I choose to continue forward. Life, the full spectrum of life is ahead of me. I desire adventure with its freedom and its detours. The windshield provides hope instead of the queasiness of looking at what has passed me by.  

Looking toward what is ahead

Sunday, February 25, 2024

Focal Point


Keeping in focus
For over six decades I have used corrective lenses. Lenses in frames to be specific. During the childhood years, frames of steel would have been preferred. I had numerous configurations of tape, glue, and fasteners holding my lenses, bows, and frames together. Proper repairs were not only expensive, but time consuming. With the changes that accompany growth my vision changed, as well. Adulthood brought with it bifocal lenses. Those who have experienced bifocal lenses know how the neck muscles become stronger through the continual head movements in order to focus clearly. Now my head is adorned with progressive lenses held by light, sturdy, spring assisted frames. The need for gross head movements have lessened to the point of slight tilts or nods. Many times I can manage visual clarity with eye movement alone. Progress is a great thing!

Changes over the decades have affected more than my vision. The focal point of my attention has ranged from Air Force fighter pilot (no go because of vision correction), to physician, to teacher, to navigating retirement. At one time everything was in the distance. Now it is immediate and quickly behind me. What was envisioned for my career trajectory is now a gliding descent with a hoped for soft landing. The understanding of myself along with a clearly defined system of how the world should operate was once 20/20. The prescription has changed. The lenses through which I understand my beliefs and actions have produced a new focal point. While it is clear to me, others say I need to get my eyes examined (possibly my head, too)!

The insightful author of Ecclesiastes writes, "God has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, God has put eternity into human hearts, yet humans cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also everyone should eat, and drink and take pleasure in their toil - this is God's gift." (3.11-13, English Standard Version)

Flowers were nice decorations, but they were secondary to the vegetables in the garden. The flowers provided a bit of diversity, but in the long term they were of little value. As I began pastoral ministry, my focus was on well written and properly delivered sermons which had a liberal, if not excessive use of the 

Wrong focus?

name, Jesus. It could almost become an incantation to help people move beyond the trivial concerns of their lives. The other focus was numerical growth. Bring in new members, activate the inactive, swell the offering plates, and count the saved souls. Eternity was the destination. It was my mission to get people there, no matter what. The day to day stuff was sideline distractions for the greater calling of eternal salvation. My youthful focus was clear!

During the first month of clinical training to earn national certification as a chaplain my vision became blurred. I was requested to visit a couple who birthed their first child. Upon arrival on the nursing unit I was informed the child was stillborn. In conversation with the young couple, they expressed their desire to have their baby baptized. The standard theological and sacramental practice was not to baptize a deceased person. Standing alone in a small room with their stillborn daughter, I provided a baptism using the name the parents had given her. It was an unseen ritual. Seeing the profound relief on the parents' faces when I returned to their room provided a brief glimpse of clarity. I did nothing for their daughter, but what I unknowingly provided for them was significant. It had little to do with eternity, but weighed heavily with immediacy. Theological doctrine was being blurred as pastoral care came into focus. 

Focus on people
Eternity is no longer an interest. All I have each and every day is immediacy. I eat many vegetables, but I intentionally spend more time appreciating the details of flowers. Our cultural and political climate focuses on rigid, long held beliefs which divide and ferment anger while overlooking people on the borders, in the clinics, seeking housing, and desirous of an immediate sense of safety. This climate is fed as much by churches as it is by political parties, governmental legislation, and judicial decisions. Eternity is meaningless when immediate needs are neglected. Doctrines and laws are good talking points. They provide both distance and self satisfying safety. Currently my focal point is much closer and responsive to the specific needs of people. My vision is not 20/20. Friends have advised me to get examined and change my prescription. Sometimes my blurred vision is personally frustrating. But for myself there is nothing better than to eat, drink, and cherish personal interactions which are a gift for today.

Thank you for reading!  

Also, at the end of March, I will no longer post notices or links to the blog on Meta platforms. Bookmarking the blog is one way to see new posts which usually occur every two weeks. 

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Is Nothing Sacred?


In the late 1970s, this cartoon by Gaham Wilson was published in Playboy. I remember that it not only brought a chuckle, but it made me think about its paradox.I then went on to look at more illustrations and photographs in the magazine. No, I did not read the articles!

My online search for this cartoon was spurred by an episode of 1A from WAMU, a public radio station from American University in Washington D.C. The episode which aired on February 6th was entitled, "The Art of Doing Nothing." It focused on the negative image given to "doing nothing" in our current culture. We are a 24/7, always connected, seeking monetary benefit, and frightened of not knowing the latest trends society. The old adage, "don't just sit there, do something" has become so ingrained that many people never get away from email, scrolling, and feeling anxious and afraid about the world they inhabit. One of the show's guests was Jenny Odell. She is the author of, Saving Time: Discovering Life Beyond the Clock (2023), and How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy (2019).

A personal struggle ebbs and flows; that being a decision to "fully retire." I have pondered the phrases used in describing this later portion of life. Am I "semi-retired?" Am I still "working?" If I don't get a W-2 does this indicate full retirement? Because clergy are deemed self-employed by the IRS, can I retire from myself? At the foundation of these intellectual questions is the aforementioned stigma of doing nothing. If I am not receiving compensation, if I am not producing something tangible for the benefit of others, if I am not leaving the confines of my dwelling, do I have value? Many people come up with simple answers to these questions. I struggle to find and accept an answer that satisfies this inner yearning.

Mixture of elements
"It's better to do nothing than to waste your time." was a poignant sentence from the WAMU broadcast. In the exploration of this statement, doing nothing could range from lying on the ground looking at the sky to structured meditation. Scrolling through social media feeds was not seen as doing nothing.  Scrolling may seem mindless and relaxing. As I conclude a scrolling session, I do not feel enlightened, relaxed, or satisfied. I feel used and dirty. I have wasted my time. A ten minute shower, 5 minutes of exploring what pops into my mind, or a walk around the apartment building would provide greater benefit. Social media is capturing our attention, monetizing our data, and softly infecting our outlook in order to promote the idea that we can never be enough. In a capitalist economy, sales cannot be sustained by reinforcing personal wholeness. Doing nothing, being satisfied, meaningfully connecting with other people and communities, all of which is falsely 
Is this nothing?
being promoted by the purveyors of social media, does nothing to sustain a consumer driven economy. Currently the answer to Gaham Wilson's cartoon question is, "Nothing isn't sacred. Nothing is evil and nothing needs to be destroyed."

The sacredness of nothing is a pilgrimage I desire to begin. How it unfolds in the weeks and months to come is uncertain. Setting aside decades of busyness which overall has been beneficial will take dedicated effort.  I will label this pilgrimage as "Intentional Nothingness." My desire is to embrace the everyday, natural surroundings. I want to interact with the beauty which surrounds me, as well as the beauty which is within me. It has beauty not because it is experienced as pleasing, but simply because it is. Experiencing pain and discomfort and sitting in it can enlighten my perspective. Instead of labeling and judging, I would rather observe and incorporate. Is nothing sacred? I intend to plunge into its manifold dimensions.

Please bookmark this address if you want to continue reading future posts. New posts drop every two weeks. At the end of March, I will no longer be using Meta (Facebook and Instagram) to post links to this blog. Thank you for reading!