There Has to be a Reason?

The Red River of the North does not go straight!

During the final year of Confirmation Instruction (1969), I was positively impacted by the pastor. He was personable, took interest in each student, and helped place Christian faith and Lutheran traditions in practical terms. I thought being a pastor might be in my future, EXCEPT I could not sing (the pastor had a great voice) and speaking in front of people petrified me. A couple of months following the Rite of Confirmation, the pastor was asked to resign by one of the Parish's congregations. He was not "traditional" enough. In current terms, he was too liberal and/or too relevant. 

Entering college my plans were to become a physician. Too much competition and too much socialization (partying) changed those plans. Next up (at the next collage) was becoming a teacher. My advisor stated numerous times that teachers would be "a dime a dozen." Well, strike two! If all else fails a history and philosophy major can apply for law school. My job as the evening janitor at a large congregation in Mankato MN (3rd college in 3 years and final college) brought me into contact with the three pastors on staff. Two of them had a direct, positive impact on my turbulent, personal struggles. So, why not become a pastor? I had thought about it before. Still the fear of public speaking and the lack of musical ability loomed large.

Graduate school to earn a Master of Divinity degree began with an intensive summer course in New Testament Greek. The cadre of students shared study time and communal time. A fellow student, after I spoke about my oldest brother's death by drowning with alcohol being a factor said, "God used your brother's death to get you to seminary." My initial reaction was to tell this person to go to hell. I realized that would not be appropriate in the setting. So I responded, "God must be a crazed risk taker to use my brother's death that way.  I am trying to get through Greek. Becoming a pastor may never happen." 

We like things straight.

The belief that there is a reason for everything may provide surface level comfort. Yet this is a Western Civilization concept. Greek and Roman rational thinking provides the foundation for "There has to be a reason" world view. Looking at the world from a limited construct, while important for initial education detracts from experiential learning. It is in the everyday, empirical evidence where I have grown in faith. Answers are derived from experiment and trail and error. Faith is not a rational construct, but relational interaction. Faith has raised up more questions than it has provided answers. 

A major struggle in life has been with hypocrisy. It was ingrained that people, life, events, and interactions should be linear and rationally understandable. While seeing hypocrisy in other was disturbing, finally owning my hypocrisy had me standing on the precipice of devastation. Pastoral care based on theory while neglecting lived experience was for me similar to Jacob wrestling with God. (Genesis 32.22+) Four decades of pastoral ministry has produced struggles, healing, scars, and perseverance. None of it has been defined and understandable let alone rational. I have ceased trying to place life and faith into the confines of reason. I have come to find life and faith in the embrace of "what is." I believe that a power greater than myself has provided opportunities, more than one boot in the behind, and plenty of grace to empower my vocation for so long. 

Person 1: “I refuse to go to church because it is filled with hypocrites.”

Curves add adventure!

Person 2: “I am not certain where you have gone before, but we have plenty of room!”

THANK YOU for reading! I will continue to look back at my 40 years in pastoral ministry both in my YouTube videos and in this blog for a number of weeks.

Impact - Interpretation - Implementation

What I have experienced over decades is uniquely mine. The impact, interpretation, and implementation of response to these numerous events are uniquely mine. Yet I believe many events are universal.  It is as individuals respond to said events where variety becomes noticeable. 

A portion of seminary education (Trinity Lutheran Seminary, Columbus OH) consisted in the proper understanding of key events and doctrines. The rites of the church and in many ways the rites of passage were to be understood and provided within a set framework. Individual experiences (baptism, confirmation, and communion) were valid and meaningful if understood and practiced within established parameters. There was little room for variance if these were to produce their understood benefits. 

Impact, interpretation, and implementation crept into these aspects of my pastoral life. Baptisms should only be performed at a Sunday worship gathering. Confirmation needed set standards of academic performance (memory work, sermon notes, passing knowledge tests) in order for faith to be validated. Proper understanding of Communion (Jesus is present - in, with, and under the bread and wine {Lutheran words}was vital for proper personal benefit. Anything less was eating and drinking damnation onto one's self. All of these dos and don'ts were challenged in the daily lives of the people with whom I served. Eventually decisions of practice needed to be made, obey the aforementioned rules or serve in ways that exhibited what I believed was the intent of God's grace and commitment to humanity.

Fast forward about 4 decades. Baptism is all about God and God's grace, not the status of parents or sponsors. The couple pictured had their child baptized on a Sunday and as part of worship. The child's sponsor joined via FaceTime. People were mindful of COVID protocols. We laughed about the child either being baptized with a Super Soaker to maintain distance or using hand sanitizer instead of water. Changing times call for creative options! God's steadfast love and grace is the theme of baptism, not the lives of the participants nor the day on which it occurs. 

After a couple of years of meeting on various days and at a variety of times, this teenager took responsibility for his faith at an outdoor gathering. The rural location with hens and llamas, as well as his sponsors, parents, sister, relatives, and friends made for a meaningful occasion.                  

Confirmand and sponsors

The following is what he shared at the ceremony: A big thing we talked about with Pastor Tim was faith. I had always assumed religion and faith were one in the same, but I learned that my faith is something that is specific to me. I also learned that my faith is always developing, and will continue to develop throughout my life. One of the most appealing aspects of growing in my faith was that I can carry it with me throughout my life. Through hard times I can look to my faith to guide me, and I'm ready to start on that path today." No measurements of class attendance, memory work, or Sunday mornings at worship. 

This family lives with faith integrated into daily life. I enjoyed the lively discussion that helped to make what can be so esoteric usable in life.

My role as a pastoral care provider focuses on relationships: relationships with people, relationships between people, and God's relationship interwoven in all aspects of life. The seminary training provided foundational materials. Throughout the decades building on a foundation in order to be creative, flexible, authentic, and free is necessary to find meaning and strength in life. 

I am grateful for the opportunities and relationships that have enhanced my life!