Live & Die Healthy

Moving into February means additional minutes of daylight grow rapidly. Over the month about 80 minutes of daylight are added in this area. Along with brightening the landscape, melting snow, and boosting my mood the need for lights and reflective materials lessen. Yet, I have learned over many years of foot and bike travel that reflective material is an everyday asset. 

Road ID Reflective Strap

Digging around a bin full of gear (too much gear) I discovered one of my first purchases of a reflective band. I have wider and brighter ones which is why this one was relegated to a bin. However, this one serves as an identification source (medical information + contacts) as well as being reflective. The motto which I chose to fill out the metal plate provided plenty of mental reflection as I brought it back into use. This piece of gear is about 15 years old. Thus it made me ask, "Have I been living and dying in a healthy manner?"

It may seem counter-intuitive to think of dying healthy. However, at the time the band was purchased I was working as a healthcare chaplain. I had also worked as a hospice chaplain and treatment center chaplain. I have been in situations too numerous to count where the dying person and their loved ones were not healthy. The physical realities of stress, hydration and caloric choices, and exercise along with emotional and spiritual maladies which accumulated over the years made a pain-filled, anguished, and desolate death, even when surrounded by people. 

Early Years

Reviewing the past often is not glamorous nor pleasant. Even though my past does not define my present, I cannot be in a healthy place unless I investigate and own previous patterns of thoughts and behaviors. The cute boy in the picture held more internal angst than his frame indicates. The sibling arguments and physical altercations were normal. They were usually short-lived and forgotten. Yet, I always held a desire to beat my older brothers at something. The internal struggles were more difficult to wrestle. It was into the fourth decade of my life when internal health began to take root and blossom. The feelings of inadequacy, the unresolved hypocrisy, and festering fury were faced with new resolve. There was no reason to deny the thoughts and actions. I could not begin being healthy until I looked clearly at myself. 

The late author, James Baldwin wrote, "To accept one's past - one's history - is not the same thing as drowning in it; it is learning how to use it. An invented past can never be used; it cracks and crumbles under the pressures of life like clay in a season of drought." 

My understanding of "Live & Die Healthy" is not static. Health incorporates, as well as embraces change and growth. My outlook on the external and internal aspects of my being fosters health. Daily reflections are not for others to see me, but for building a foundation that is secure in the midst of what happens around me. As Epictetus said, "Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." My life can be as cyclical as the daylight in the Northern Plains. However, I do not have to revert into old practices and attitudes. Healthy becomes woven in the fabric of life, past, present, and future. The deep connection with reality as it is, instead of escaping from it is what I want to reflect. It is the soil in which my foundation is laid. 

Trans South Dakota Race

These words from the book, "Everything is Spiritual" by Rob Bell, "Our lives are loaded from the beginning with history and drama and love and wounds and tragedy and hope. I'm mysterious enough to myself, let alone the ones I come from - We never stop leaving who we are and how we've been shaped by the people and places we come from. Our hearts and minds and memories are endlessly explorable."  

I invite you to reflect, explore, and live & die healthy!

Looking At as Much as Through

Reflection on tinted glass.

  Eight years ago over a decade stint as a healthcare chaplain came to a close. Two  

  months of accumulated PTO (paid time off) provided me opportunity to dream 

  about and imagine the future. It was a time of introspection, anxiety, and  

  navigating the bureaucracy of a denominational organization.  As a few weeks  

  passed I became more future focused. What was going to be the next setting for  

  my work life?

  While discussing my situation with a fellow runner, I got a lead on a part-time,  

  income producing job. Part-time appealed to me as I had not settled on my 

  future endeavors. Following a couple of meetings to discuss the part-time activity,     I became a window washing trainee with Wagner Window Cleaning of Fargo ND. Scott was a patient and/or desperate boss. Over time my skills, as well as my speed improved. Early morning sunrises in moderate temperatures while working alone made it the greatest job around! Winter darkness in ten degree air temperatures, dodging cars coming through the drive-up lane made me question my sanity. A phrase Scott used as instruction and correction on numerous occasions, "Do not look through the glass. Look at the glass." continues to echo in my mind. 

Future is a powerful concept! It is a motivation to get out of bed and live another day. A definition of hope which I embrace is, "the expectation of a good yet to come." Thus the focus is upon what lies ahead in the next hour, day, week, and year. We look through the current moment toward what is yet to come. It is a human construct with a powerful purpose. And like all human designs it is multifaceted. 

Continually "looking through" is powerful in providing a focus for our plans and energies. Yet as we set our vision and dreams forward we neglect living in the present. Scott, while desiring speed and efficiency on the job which translated into greater monetary returns, also wanted clean windows. Neglecting to look at the glass and not simply looking, but investigating from different angles, left spots, streaks, and sometimes significant untouched dirty areas. This type of work was not acceptable. It had to be redone in order for the job to be complete.

My bathroom mirror is not future oriented. I cannot see through it, yet I resist looking at it. It is not to avoid

the water spots from overzealous washing nor the white specks from vigorous teeth brushing. It is to avoid looking at myself. What holds true for window cleaning holds true for my life. I need to look at my current situation from a variety of vantage points. I need to see and own the spots, streaks, and cloudy areas of my life. As Socrates, time honored statements says, "An unexamined life is not worth living." Neglecting to live in the present, examining my inner-self translates into the job of living fully as incomplete. 

As a society we keep looking through current events and a mirage of a better future. We focus on the end of the pandemic. Does "return to normal" sound familiar? Yet returning is spoken of in the future. We predict economic recovery and prosperity. We look through present realities in order to avoid pain, grief, and the 

Paramount Sports
looking through the window

reality of crumbling human relationships. As much as I wanted to provide excellence in washing windows, quickly moving out of the frigid conditions that made my fingers throb with pain, if I did not focus on my current situation I would return and repeat it all over. 

I am in a life setting where I have ample time. The constraints of job, advancement, and family are lessened significantly. Yet I cringe at looking from various vantage points at my daily life. I make activities or appointments to move through the day or week in order to avoid the unscheduled present. I question my usefulness when I verbalize and internalize that I have no plans for the day. Yet there is a developing sense of acceptance. It comes slowly as I look at myself. I still have value, sanity, and usefulness. It is in enfolding what I see today that guides me into the future. Speed and efficiency in developing self and meaning cannot happen, in my opinion. I deeply and sincerely believe there is good yet to come. However, I do not want to miss the reality which includes discovery and serenity today.

The Wheels Go Round and Round

I first heard the lyrics when my daughters were involved with swimming lessons, "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round." Fun, simple lyrics to distract attention from the new surroundings and possibly frightening aspects of deeper water. 

Resistance Knob

The branding and marketing department of Peloton appear to know their craft. The name and logo are everywhere on their equipment, their live and on-demand classes, and their merchandise. The circular resistance knob which increases or decreases resistance on the wheel (depending upon which way it is turned) also serves as a brake when it is pushed down is emblazoned with their logo. You can see the "p", as well as the crank arms for a bicycle. Push and pull on the cranks via the pedals and the wheel goes round and round, round and round.

I am using and learning many things about the bike, the online options for various workouts, and the instructors. Oh yes, I am also learning about myself and my discipline or lack thereof. This bike will serve a wide variety of fitness needs for years to come. The humorous yet ironic part of this bike is no matter how long or how fast I crank the pedals, no matter how many revolutions the wheel makes (the wheel on the Peloton goes round and round, round and round, round and round) I never physically move. I remain in the same corner of the basement even when the number on the screen indicates I have traveled 18.37 miles. The wheel spins, but nothing changes. 

The Hebrew wisdom found in Ecclesiastes reads, "What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun." (1.9  NRSV)  The world, as well as my life goes round and round. I experience new things. I travel to unique places. Technology opens new arenas for exploration, education, and entertainment. How can the ancient author proclaim there is nothing new under the sun?

Looking upon the chaos and mayhem exhibited last week in Washington, DC is something the majority of us have never seen. Violence, destruction, angry mobs, and death all covered from various vantage points. Words flowing from politicians and news media alike stating, "This is not the way Americans act." "This is domestic terrorism."  Unique to current generations, yes. Unique to human emotions and behaviors stirred by others in order to garner personal gain, NO! Their are rafts of stories throughout human history describing the distressing realities of our actions toward one another. These actions are nothing new.

As a pastor (almost 4 decades), I have served within a couple of denominations (Lutheran and United Church of Christ). The national entities have sang the chorus, "We can change the world." numerous times over those years. I understand the sentiment and emphasis to motivate people to act in ways that diminish "isms." Yet there are always underlying agendas motivating the chorus: bureaucratic, numerical growth, contributions to sustain business, and political power. I also believe their are altruistic motivations. These campaigns and slogans have a mixture of incentives. I am not opposed to encouragement nor developing fuller ways of responding to our situations. 

The Prime Directive in the mission of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701), in Star Trek, General Order #1, says that the personnel and craft is prohibited from interfering with the internal and natural development of alien civilizations. It prevents the crew from using their superior technology to impose their own values and ideals upon others. In other words, they are to go, discover, experience, and understand "strange new worlds" with a personal and emotional detachment. This allows other cultures and beings to evolve at their own pace. According to one source, Captain James T. Kirk violated General Order #1, with some regularity. There is nothing new under the sun even when the suns are in other galaxies reached through warp speed. 

I find that making the wheel go round and round to be insightful. It provides physical challenge and fitness, as well as stimulating internal perspectives and consciousness. Instead of being fatalistic, I find Ecclesiastes' wisdom producing a deep sense of calm in the midst of contemporary changes. Frustrations over not making progress, not changing the world, and not becoming more advanced as a society are lessened as I realize this is natural, human behavior. This is creation I cannot change. What is new? What is invigorating? What keeps my mind active and my spirit inspired?  It is the opportunity to gain perspective on my internal life and appreciation for the world around me. The foundational pillars of Stoic philosophy (courage, justice, moderation, and wisdom) are used as a daily guide. I live and respond to that which I have control, my own self. 

The grey, foggy days recently experienced in the Red River Valley of the North, allowed for rime or hoarfrost to cover many rough objects. The breezes which carried the water droplets created unique displays. While exercising along a rural, minimum maintenance road I was distracted by these beautiful sights. This form of creation was new to me on such a close and personal level. I did not need to change it, recreate it, or preserve it. I was gifted to observe it. The phone photos do not capture the splendor of the scene. I became the benefactor of awe and serenity in an overcast, damp, and cold day. 

My life goes round and round, round and round. There is always beauty even when progress is not perceived!

 

Making the Final Inch

In a podcast entitled, "The Osterholm Update"by epidemiologist Mike Osterholm, from the University of Minnesota, he used a phrase that ignited numerous thoughts, "A vaccine is only a vaccine until it becomes a vaccination."

An early present arrived from my daughter. I now have a Peloton bike in the basement. It is more than a stationary spin bike. When you get a Peloton (bike or tread) you also are required to purchase a monthly subscription to their live and on-demand classes. The classes focus on a total body workout. Yes, cycling and running are primary depending upon your piece of equipment. In addition you can access strength training, meditation, yoga, stretching, and numerous other activities to provide a complete training regimen. Now I have more than a basement bike. I have a multitude of exercise options, with both a live and virtual community.

Phrases like, "This is the beginning of the end." and "Soon we can return to normal." have been prolific since the two vaccines have received emergency use authorization in the United States. There is a sense of relief and giddiness. Yet, until a vaccine becomes a vaccination nothing substantial changes. The final inch! Getting the vaccine into the body is when change occurs.

Another recent acquisition made its way into the basement. Prior to the Peloton, I brought home a Nordic Track Pro ski machine. A friend did not use it any longer. He said, "I just cannot get into a cardio workout in my basement." As I set it up in the basement I used a cleaning solution along with wood polish to give it a clean and natural appearance. From indications it appeared to have been accumulating dust, debris, clothing and other non-essentials for a significant amount of time. It was no longer used for its intended purpose. Sounds familiar, does it not? Good intentions. Maybe even some good use. Finally the luster wears off. Getting on the machine and staying on until it becomes part of a lifestyle is difficult.

Many of us have completed or soon will complete the season teeming with feelings, sensations, and emotions. Glad tidings, good intentions, resolutions, sights, sounds, expectations, and promises to make future celebrations special are abundant and I believe, heartfelt. Similar to wanting the pandemic to end and to change into a healthier lifestyle, words of wanting a different Holiday Season are easily verbalized.  As the phrase states, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." It is when change gets into your choices that life becomes different.

If you are familiar with the early stories in New Testament Christian Scriptures, two particular people (Mary + Joseph) hear that they to be pivotal characters in God's salvation. Had they only enjoyed their sweet, angelic dreams without taking action would anything have changed? They made a 70 mile journey on foot, traveling numerous days, while Mary was in the later stages of pregnancy. After giving birth to a child in a relative's house in Bethlehem, another dream told Joseph to take his now expanded family to Egypt for safety. Once again, the request was placed into action. Who did they know in Egypt? They traveled over 40 miles to get to safety. Remaining in Egypt about 3 years. Had they only thought nice thoughts and not changed their choices, their pivotal role may have ended without traveling an inch!

Faith, hope, forgiveness, reconciliation are only concept words until they are acted upon, incorporated, and practiced in our daily lives. I sense we all hang a lot of non-essential things on the aforementioned words. It seems easier to voice the words than to get onto something that will change our lives. Making that final inch, getting on that machine, living spiritual values will expose us to a community which we previously have not experienced. It will be difficult, challenging, and frustrating work. Yet those are the markings of change. 

I hope you make that final inch. Whether it be a healthier lifestyle, spiritual growth, connecting to a supportive and honest community, or rolling up the sleeve when the COVID-19 vaccine is offered.  The final inch is the most difficult, as well as the most important distance for all things in life. 

Decorations -- The Reason for the Season

The prominent Norway Spruce proudly stood near the intersection of our farm driveway and the gravel township road. Every December, with the bucket loader on the front of the Allis-Chalmers WD-45, along with an extension ladder and long poles my father would wrap that stately conifer with large, colorful incandescent bulbs. His efforts over the years provided vivid light in the darkness of the rural landscape. I enjoyed the opportunity to place the plug into the extension cord and gaze in wonderment at the beautiful sight unaware of the frigid temperatures. 

December 1996, our older daughter wanted lights hung on the outside of the parsonage. It was a rambler, so only a tall step-ladder was necessary. Placing plastic hooks on cold aluminum gutters without gloves quickly made for numb fingers. Plastic breaks easily in sub-freezing temperatures. Copious amounts of snow had fallen since early November. Ladder placement beyond the driveway was only possible after shoveling. At least the aerobic activity with the use of mittens provided some respite for my fingers.  Finally the lights were strung. Some areas sagged due to broken plastic hooks. Some of the miniature bulbs did not light. I was not going to fiddle with small lights with frozen fingers! The job was done. I swore to never do it again. Besides, it paled in comparison to what my father produced in a more difficult setting.

Before you conclude that I am a Scrooge, I thoroughly enjoy the lights and decorations of the Holiday Season. In my footed exercise around the Fargo-Moorhead area (North Dakota + Minnesota border cities), the lights and displays take me down streets and avenues usually untraveled. I appreciate the physical efforts, the visual effects, the creative beauty, and the random chaos of the exposition. From breath taking to belly laughing my wonderment for decorations is as great as ever. If I do not have to be involved my joy is multiplied!                     

The seasonal phrase, as well as the marketing slogan, "Jesus is the reason for the Season" has been popular for decades. I sense it is often shared with the sentiment, "the real meaning of Christmas." My observation of light displays and lawn ornaments do not appear to go in that particular direction. Will Ferrell's, Elf Character, Nutcrackers, Santa, and Snow People are as popular, if not more popular than the traditional Nativity Scene. Multicolored lights aligning roof lines, moving snow flakes, and colored dots swirling on house siding are mixed together with air inflated Charlie Brown, the Grinch, and Star Wars characters. 

I do not advocate a particular meaning for the Holiday/Christmas Season. The traditional Nativity Scene is not necessarily historically accurate. I wonder if snow people grace the lawns of people in Columbia or Figi? What I really appreciate are the efforts of people to place lights and displays providing color in the cold and dark areas of my life.  Especially as the pandemic continues and uncertainties swirl like flakes in a snow globe, I am grateful for the distractions.  The multitude of displays provide hope, amazement, chuckles, and gratitude in my daily life.

I also ponder thoughts of God, a Higher Power being quietly displayed in our human actions. A traditional Christmas hymn has lyrics that capture my thoughts, "the hopes and fears of all the years are met in you tonight" and "how silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given." (O Little Town of Bethlehem)  This portion of the Gospel of John, also provides me reason to contemplate, "A light that thrives in the depths of darkness, blazes through murky bottoms. It cannot and will not be quenched." (1.5 VOICE Translation)

                          

From a majestic Norway Spruce decades ago to a mannequin with a homemade sign, decorations are the reason for the season!  They express more than we can ever say.

Tradition & Experience

According to Dictionary.com, "the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc. from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice." is their initial definition of tradition.

The later weeks of November through December seems to carry more tradition than any other time period in the year. With the tradition comes an extraordinary amount of emphasis placed upon everything from food, to movies/television, decorating, shopping, emotional euphoria, and the need to perpetuate the rituals.

(Lower center between parents) 

As long as I can remember my mother was a Registered Nurse. Her usual shift was overnight. In this way she could have some daytime and evenings with the family. However, she always seemed to work holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. "Other people need to have time with their families." was her answer to why she was working. The day itself lessened in significance as the weekends before or after became our time to gather. Thanksgiving was spent with my maternal grandparents. These grandparents were in the same room long enough to eat. Otherwise, they were not together. And the stuffing was always pulled from the cavity of the turkey. Plump, wet raisins dotted the glistening dressing. Nothing could be worse for someone who only ate raisins when they were leathery dry and either in cookies or wheat cereal.

Marriage brought Thanksgiving at the in-laws complete with a children's table. I always found the children's table more fun than the adult table. And it was in a separate room. My mother-in-law was so busty passing and refilling platters and bowls that her food had to be cold by the time she sat down to eat.

My dad flanked by my family

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, as a pastor caused my mother's words to reverberate in my brain. It seemed that working those days became tradition. My family always came after the time honored Candlelight Worship needs of the congregation(s). It seems strange now (but not at the time) to allow the tradition of the congregation(s) to set the tradition for our family. Add to all of this the unwritten rule of being at the in-laws ASAP following services and you can picture a tradition of chaotic movement. 

With both daughters grown but Christmas Eve & Day still being part of vocational life, emphasis was been placed on Thanksgiving. In the past decade Thanksgiving has been spent in Italy, Las Vegas, Florida, Arizona, serving meals to families in a hospital, experiencing "zoo lights", eating at Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen, and visiting my father. So, I ask myself while looking at this from many angles, "Is there a tradition to be found?"

Italy

I recently finished the book, "The Pursuit of Endurance" by Jennifer Pharr Davis (2018). She wrote, "Feeling stuck is no excuse for staying where you are." As I look back, as well as look around the spectrum of tradition is everywhere. A certain day, a certain menu, the regularity of knowing what come next, and the deep meaning of generational gatherings clings tightly for many. Equally I see lasagna and whiskey, queso and tacos for daily grazing, and this year, faces seen on video connections. I listen to the bemoaning of cultural norms, as well as the loss of the Black Friday frenzy. 

Southwestern treat

This year was spent quietly at home. With the generosity of another family the normative foods of Thanksgiving were delivered with "no contact." COVID quarantining provided the structural reality. No trips. No family. No gathering. Were we stuck? What does this mean during this year's emphasis upon holiday gatherings? Pandemic be damned! What about future gatherings? Each day, every experience is a part of life. The value is not in completing a huge puzzle. I believe it is in taking the piece provided and finding its beauty. Staying where I am is an option if I choose to close my eyes and wish for something different. However, I choose to embrace each day for what it provides while attempting not to judge it. I cannot stay where I am because each day provides new pathways on the journey of life. Earlier I wrote, "You can picture a tradition of chaotic movement." It is only chaotic if you attempt to impose your order on it. I choose to practice life and gratitude as my tradition even when it appears nontraditional. 

Fluidity

In last week's video mention was made of boundaries being fluid instead of rigid. I believe we are to live grace-filled lives not encumbered by the past, but flowing into our current setting.  In the November 9 reading from Ryan Holiday's, "The Daily Stoic", the story of a battle ship of the Athenian hero (Theseus) is being preserved in its battle ready form. Over time boards rotted and were replaced. Eventually every piece of wood on the vessel had been replaced. So the question is asked, "Is it still the ship of Theseus or is it a new ship?"

I see life as constantly changing, evolving, and fluid. Included are 3 pictures of business in Fargo ND. The first is looking at West Acres Mall from the southeast. It opened in August 1972, near the intersection of I-29 & I-94. Originally this area was crop land on the edge of town. I remember in the early 80's on a trip to Fargo, eating in the mall at the Grainery. First time ever for beer cheese soup with popcorn on the top.     

Additions, renovations, retail transitions, and consumer shopping habits have changed over the years. How long will this massive structure remain viable? Are investors wanting to place resources into an aging retail concept? Soon a 1 million square foot Amazon Fulfillment Center will open on the north edge of Fargo. It will be 50,000 square feet larger that West Acres.

The purple painted building was originally a Krispy Kreme which opened in 2002. The "hot light" drew thousands of people to this place for about 6 years before it closed. Now a custom made mattress store has a drive up window. And I believe the "hot light" is gone. I wonder why I have never seen a line outside of this store for people waiting to get a mattress? I guess sleep is more important than donuts. However, just as 

you use your smartphone for an alarm clock, there is a "hot light" app which will alert you when fresh, sugary, melt away donuts are available. 

The final structure housed the "Toys "R" Us." The open square footage must make for easy display of massive Halloween products. How many blow-up pumpkins can fit in one store? As Halloween is now the second largest commercial holiday in the United States who needs toys? Not to short the toy industry, I fondly remember the Lionel train my bothers and I

shared for a Christmas present. The black transformer box would get hot the longer the train went in its circular track. Pushing the red button created a horn sound.  Later in life I attempted to regain an interest in trains, HO scale. In this effort to recreate the past, all I achieved was spent money and time. 

Yes, I mourn the loss of people, places, events, and institutions that were a part of my life. Memories bring a smile to my face and comfort to my being. Yet memories are not reality. Memories are ephemeral constructs of the mind. Longing for the past does not help me live freely in the present. To reiterate a phrase from last week: "We need to listen to the music of the past, so we can sing in the present, and dance into the future."  Creation is continually being recreated. It is still creation, but it is not the creation of decades, weeks, or even hours ago. Everything is flowing and fluid. What enhances life is the ability to live unencumbered each day. This does not make for comfortable living. Constant adjustment and new visions consume physical and emotional energy. In other words, it is exhausting. AND, I believe it is worth the energy expended. 

This 50k ultra running event in the Gila Wilderness of New Mexico will not occur again. I got to share in my son-in-law's first ultra finish two years.

These are the 2 race directors who not only created a great event for many ultra runners, but were the pinnacle of hospitality. When you picked up your bib number you picked up placement into their family.

39 years ago in a small church in rural Faribault County, MN a person not known for impulsivity made a commitment to be my partner. What occurred in that church is recorded in the Courthouse. What has happened over the years does not define our relationship today.  

I am not a singer or a dancer. Many rotten and misaligned boards in my life have been replaced. Everything is fluid. We are the ones who place opinions and make reactions to the events of life. I continue to believe that living with the fluidity of each day. especially in the realities of human behavior and viral behavior is worth the effort.

I end with an email quote from a friend who watched last week's video, "I think that if you are not challenged in the way that you think about things that you begin to die and what you hold true becomes.....moldy."  Very well said, Mark!